He Does WHAT and Lives WHERE?

Everyone knows there are two topics of conversation at parties in New York: Where do you live and what do you do? I didn't realize, though, that there are apparently also only two topics of conversation between friends: Where other people live and what other people do.

The Sidewalks of New York

The weather is [mostly] warm; the sky is [often] sunny. This can only mean one thing: the street canvassers have come out of hiding. They are everywhere, and they are coming for you. I will cross the street. I will talk on my phone. Once I was walking through Union Square sobbing. But there is no obstacle too large for the canvasser. They will find you, they will block your path, they will follow you down the street. I have never been physically attacked, though I feel it coming.

And the thing is, I have canvassed. I, of all people, should have sympathy for my fellow soldiers doomed to a life of liberal causes. I should have sympathy, but I don't. My bleeding heart has turned to ice. Common manners no longer apply. It is a matter of survival--one must escape or risk the consequences.

I <3 My Cat

Lesson from house-sitting: if you live in a studio apartment and you have two cats, the cats never. go. away. Ever. You have one room. They have one room. Unfortunately, it is the same room. Goodbye privacy, goodbye productivity, hello Fancy Feast.

Crash

Sometimes when I am walking in midtown, I find myself an obstacle in someone else's trajectory: unless one of us steps aside, we will crash. When I first moved here, I was always the one to move. Then I got angry. Why do I have to be the one to move. I began to mow past people in my path. Sometimes they moved. Mostly, I bumped into them. What, you expect me to move? I always move. You should move!

Then I realized everybody else probably thinks the same thing.

Paper v Plastic

Easy grocery shopping is the best argument for the suburbs yet.

A Syllogism

If you are not in college and you are not tipsy, then you are rudely awakened: Top Ramen really isn't very good.

Old Dog, New Tricks

In other news, I am trying to train myself out of the apparently outdated habit of double spacing between sentences. These were the parting words of my former editor, and as we enter a new year and a new administration, it seems a perfect time to enact new typographical habits.

Update 7/1/09: Success.